What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
