Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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