Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
