i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
