if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
