He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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