perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She needs sedatives and a leash
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
