Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
