In the future we'll all be gay
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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