I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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