You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
