Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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