I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Of course I have a pirate flag
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
