you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Damn victory sex feels great
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
