So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize