You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
