It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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