He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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