I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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