i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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