Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
