what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
