HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
