Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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