yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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