I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
