i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
