My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize