even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
