I wish I could punch you in the face.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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