I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
