A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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