Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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