Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
