THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
