FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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