i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
