Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
