is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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