shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize