Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
