69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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