i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
