Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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