ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
