Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
