I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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