I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
