Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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