spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's get the cat blown out
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
