You work out of a Hotel?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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