i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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