I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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