i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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