so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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