im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
