Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
