i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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