She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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