we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk is not a location!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize