tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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