Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
