girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
