She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
