meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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