Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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