if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't deserve a penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
