Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
