We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found your dick twin last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
