Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
