I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
