I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
