Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize