omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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