How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize