What did we do last night that was yellow?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
