My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
