just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
