I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
a search helicopter?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
