my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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