so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
