Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
