I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
