Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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