Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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