I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
