New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
