yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
