You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
