Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
