Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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