forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
